Survive the Left

After six years of Joe Biden barking and clapping at him like a seal, Arlen Spechter finally read the polls and switched uniforms. He had switched teams long ago, but for some reason was still sitting on our bench. It just feels right that he should have a donkey logo emblazoned on his chest. Switching teams is not unusual for the democratic party, Hillary grew up in Chicago and was a big Cub fan until it became politically useful for her to be a Yankee fan.
But the polls spoke and said he could never win as a fake republican, so a low plane ride later, in Air Force One over New York City, where he got to take the controls for a moment and voila! He’s in the fold! From now on he will be the darling of the media, the “smartest republican on the planet”. He made a statement saying that his vote on the porkulus was a “schizm” but that he pretty much agreed with democrats on everything else. He also said that he had to crawl on his belly across the aisle because the kind of people that would vote for him don’t participate in the voting process. That’s true, though it may seem unfair to democrats, felons are still unable to vote. Don’t worry, acorn’s got that on their radar too.

If nothing else, this administration is going to be remembered for its good times and outlandish pranks. The staff is so close, they love to pull school kid pranks on each other and the country. The funniest so far has been Obama freaking out the car makers by telling them what kind of cars to make and how much they will get paid. Pure hilarity! You should have seen the look on their face when they were asked to pull the only model line that earns money! OMG! What a hoot. And then, when Geithner proposed scraping the dollar and going with a worldwide currency, that was a huge GOTCHA to the banks! All this time they were thinking the Dollar would be the world’s safest currency. Psych! haha, These guys! You never know what will come next. You know, it’s all in good fun. It’s also in Fairness. At least, that’s the word of the day at the White House, but you never know, that might be part of the joke too!  Some of our frenemies don’t really get it. I mean, they just don’t have the kind of sense of humor that comes natural to Obama. Sarcozi, Castro and Chavez are kind of dense I guess. The more time they spend with the president, instead of seeing how enlightened and hip he is, they just think he’s kind of stupid. Chavez said “ignoramous”. Well, I bet his press doesn’t love him like ours love Barack!  Even the political prisoners in Cuba, who I guess have no sense of humor, were offered the chance for “freedom” in the U.S. with their families and declined. What? They said they’ve been to this party before. Party Poopers you mean!  They didn’t really fall for it I guess. But we still have that hilarious Napolitano. She’s the wackiest of all. I am sure she’s very popular with the staff. With the Homeland Security memo and all. Only Hillary would have the nerve to pull a stunt like that! But leave it to Napolitano to tell half the country they are considered terrorists. Boy did she set off a fire storm! Right wing extremists! Returning Vets! hahaha. I bet they laughed all through the next staff meeting. Oh well, it’ great to see them having so much fun. The takeover of the banking industry will probably be the biggest hoax all year so we’re watching that one closely!  It’s so crazy, we finally got a happening president who’ll do anything for a laugh. In this economy, that’s just what dr. kevorkian ordered!

As one Englishman said, our political leaders are “pathologically unable to accept responsibility” for any problem.  Maybe. If he meant personal responsibility. But corporate responsibility seems easy to take on, or, dish out as in our case.  Some countries like to brag about themselves, but oh, not us! Our leader is happy to jet around on his Apology to the World tour making America responsible for all poor, sick people choking on green house gases, waiting for the water to rise. The root of all evil? That’s easy, middle class America. It seem Mr. Obama forgets which flag is on the plane he likes to ride in.  The capitalism he’s apologizing for paid for that tour bus.  Maybe in these progressive times there is no correlation between taking responsibility and saying you are Sorry.  It’s just words… plus a few bucks. So, the tour of penance continues, and our enemies collect payments for our superior attitude, arrogant badness. So far we’ve humbled ourselves before the  G20, Turkey, Iran, Cuba and now Mexico and the tour is only half-way through.  Obama in Mexico today said he felt that we are at fault for causing this drug war. Briefly mentioning that he felt somewhat responsible since his dealer in college was Mexican. But quickly adding that if his white grandma hadn’t been so controlling and his crazy uncle that “was one of the first Americans to help liberate Auschwitz” wasn’t always yelling out in the night he wouldn’t have needed drugs, but that’s getting off point. He also said we supply 90% of the guns that are used, forgetting to mention that those types of guns are mostly Russian made, but let’s not let facts get in the way of a heart felt mea culpa.  If I didn’t think we were out of cash this psychotic neediness wouldn’t be so bizarre. Well, at least as inconvenient. The world is eager to agree that we are at fault, it costs them nothing and costs our taxpayers another two months of working for free. Though thoroughly evil, 40% white and partially Christian, we somehow manage to top the list of  ”most charitable nation in the world.”  Don’t worry, we won’t let it go to our head.

Is it still April Fool’s day or are five Somali pirates, whose lives, cumulatively, are worth $0.00 “negotiating” with the U.S. Navy? I don’t understand the pause. Sometime in the dark, these dudes should have disappeared. And the world could assume they decided to swim back to shore, or they had a pressing meeting somewhere else. It shouldn’t matter. They are staring down the world’s last superpower and getting the time of day. The captain of the Maersk seems very brave. Unfortunately he must have been out to sea too long. If this would have happened five months ago he’d be home now doing interviews with “Good Morning America”. I hope he will be saved. But this scenario is simply the market adjusting itself to the value of American lives. Apparently, our stock is down this year. And you know he realizes this or he would not have jumped off the side of the raft this morning. This makes piracy attractive to more people because it is not only being tolerated, it is being rewarded. There are times that you can get by with not being able to make a decision, but this president is only prepared to “keep himself apprised” of the situation. And that kind of decision making takes big shoulders! Much like the pressure of voting “present”. Their best bet is to send out Biden so he can talk to the pirates. That could be what pushes them over the edge. Maybe he can recreate his fantasy conversations that he had with Bush where he “got in his face and disagreed with him.”  That might be scary. Seems he was the only one at those private meetings, nonetheless, “don’t mess with Joe” might finally make sense, if he could just get put on a raft and sent out to talk to these folks, I think it could turn them back from the life a piracy. At worst, after meeting with him, they could unionize. Which would be ok, because they’d take more days off.

Obama said that he “disapproves” of a new Afghani law that prohibits women from leaving the house “without a good reason” . The same law also ok’s rape. He said he didn’t think it was very nice, but on the other hand we have to respect other cultures. Karzai said he would re-read the law that has come under scrutiny and he would make sure it didn’t conflict with Sharia law or any of the clerics opinions. He forgot that they suggested it. But they act like it’s a typo, once they catch it, I am sure they will immediately give women back the right to safety and education. Yes, I have full confidence that this was just an oversight. Afghani men must be somethin’ else if they have to make a law to force their wives to sleep with them. A less barbaric suggestion would be investing in personal hygiene and stop being so insecure. Sometimes people really do have a headache. Other times they just hate you. 
As the leader of the semi-free world, Obama could use his influence to help the oppressed. But instead he apologizes. For whatever comes to mind at the moment.  It’d be safer to keep the teleprompter running, that way he’ll only be thanking himself instead of excusing us.

President Obama commits another social faux pas when he mistakenly believed his presence was gift enough for the other world leaders. Thinking quickly, he gains possession of his valet’s (he’s like a brother to me’s) Ipod. None of the other staff was willing to give theirs up reminding each other that as far as giving is concerned, they side with liberal intellectual Bertrand Russell, who when asked about giving to charity explains: “I’m afraid you’ve got it wrong. We are socialists. We don’t pretend to be Christians.” This forced the president into a corner, so, for the good of the many, the poorest ended up giving to the most deserving. Luckily, he didn’t even need to delete his downloads. Apparently, the Queen handed it off to her shoe shiner, who loved the mix.  The press in Europe says Obama has a certain, “je ne sais quo”. Sure.   That’s a nice way to say cheap skate.

In another quick-on-his feet move, Obama saved the conference by helping France and China work together. It seems they didn’t agree on the notepad color, should it be the yellow (which was offensive to the Chinese) or the brighter white? Ever the worldly diplomat, Obama suggests merely pretending to take notes. This won the approval of all. Yet he still struggled with the guilt of being from America and could barely keep from offering up individual states as an appeasement. Finally, in an attempt to fill in some awkward silence he gave France back the Louisiana Purchase. Iran simply left saying, “we’ll be in touch”.

Ready to get upset?  Have a look at some more of the budget details Mr. Obama is literally shoving through Congress:

Wall Street Journal

Frankly, I think its time to shut down and go home before they try to fix anything else.  Ultimately, they are going to try and fix this by printing more money, and you know what that is – the most effective silent tax the government has.  They can steal value out of the existing currency by printing more so they can ‘fix’ the problems.   This doesn’t just rob US citizens of value from their hard earned money either – the Dollar backs most other currencies worldwide so our government is stealing from countries all around the world when it frivolously prints billions of dollars to pay for its own stupidity.

Our politicians have earned my cynicism.

Gold and silver are looking pretty good right now…

It’s not everyday you get to see such a gathering as the G20.  As Obama said in his presser, “It’s a historic moment to see France, Germany, Brazil and me, me, me- the President of the United States named Obama, man I’m awesome, and also England is here.”  He confirmed that it had taken about 20 minutes, but that jointly they had solved the world’s economic problems.  They all agreed that socialism seemed like the best route for them personally. It would have been a shorter meeting but Obama kept interrupting pretending like he had something to add. The rest of the time was spent backslapping about who gave the tackiest gift to the Queen. (we win again)Being with his marxist friends only emboldens him and convinces him all the more that we are too stupid to govern ourselves. It’s like when you let your kid hang out with homeschoolers and they learn new swear words.  He goes to Europe and comes back with a potty mouth. Adding words to the national vocabulary like “government set wages.” It seems companies that have CEOs and a Board of Directors are in this big conspiracy to make money. how dare! Not to worry, curtailing liberty and prosperity is on Obama’s immediate to-do list. Somehow he’ll find the time, in spite of being so busy running private companies into the ground. I guess he’s going to have to hand off the car warranty thing to Michelle. She seems like the kind of gal that could change a tire. without the jack.